Category Archives: Purpose

Little One and the Monster Under the Bed (Or, the Surprising Truth About Finding Your Calling)

Following is the nineteenth story in a series that tells the tale of the first hero to go on a journey to discover his calling.

To read the first story in the series, click here.

To read the previous installment, click here.

She circles unhurried amidst blue mountain peaks, the valley green and lush below. Allowing the wind to buoy her—she can feel it beneath her like a solid force, carrying her effortlessly upward—she loses track of the land and becomes lost in the infinite blue of the sky. Rising, falling, playing with the wind, the excitement of it running through her soul like air between her feathers, she passes countless hours in this way, nothing but sky above, nothing but strength below.

Until an ear-piercing scream breaks her reverie. She recognizes it as her own just before she feels the solidness of the air dissipate beneath her and the feeling of gravity—to which she was previously immune—reach up from the earth and grab hold of her body. Then she is falling, her wings flapping uselessly, the trees spiraling towards her more rapidly with every passing moment.

Just as her body is about to be shattered upon the limb of a giant pine, Ginger wakes up. Covered in sweat and breathing hard, she has a cold feeling in her belly. Somehow, without knowing why, she’s sure this isn’t just a dream. Something is wrong.

Pulling the blanket off of her, she rises from bed and exits her small room as quickly as she can. Instinctively, she turns down the hall away from her siblings’ rooms and towards the guest quarters.

When she gets to the room she’s looking for, she pauses with her hand on the door and takes a deep breath. He has to be safe, she tells herself firmly. There is nothing here that can hurt him.

She pushes open the door and sees the empty bed staring at her like a gaping mouth. There is so much she doesn’t know.

Breathing hard again, Ginger notes the sheets that lie twisted at the bottom of the bed. She increases the intensity of the glow that emanates from the walls—the light itself was not her invention, but the ability to adjust it is—and immediately sees a small pool of dark liquid on the stone floor. Hoping it’s not what she thinks it is, she kneels down, sees the dark red color of it, and realizes that it is.

She can feel her heart beating in her throat now. “Little One!” she calls desperately. Only silence answers. “Little One!” she screams.

Finally, a response: soft noises that sound like a rat chewing on a piece of wood. At first she thinks it’s coming from the corner of the room near the bed, but then she realizes it’s her siblings’ footsteps coming down the hall. The thick, stone walls cause sounds to echo down here, making them difficult to locate.

Thoughts surface while she waits. Thoughts like: Why today, of all days?

Sebastian is the first to arrive in the room. “What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice deep and his hair askew.

Ginger just points to the blood. “Little Bro!” he yells. “What happened? Where is he?”

“I have no idea,” Ginger answers as a few more siblings enter the doorway. “I just walked in and found him gone.”

“The demon came after him for revenge!” Corbett suggests, his eyes wide. “I knew he would!”

“I don’t think—” Ginger begins to say.

“Didn’t he mention something about a sorceress last night?” a sister named Margaret asks. “Maybe she came to claim him after he went to sleep.”

“The sorceress isn’t—”

“It was a dragon!” yells a brother in the back. Ginger can’t see which one. “I saw one circling yesterday and wondered why it was keeping an eye on us.”

Ginger shakes her head and opens her mouth, but her siblings are already racing away from the door and down the halls to pursue their various theories. She frowns slightly, but then shrugs. At least they’re trying to find their brother, and there is much she doesn’t know.

She looks around her one more time then walks out of the room to investigate her own theory. As she does, her thoughts move even faster than her feet.

Her new invention isn’t fully operational yet, she thinks, but if anyone came through the gate into the City of the Children of the Serpent God, it should let her know, and it might even have recorded an impression. She can’t imagine whom—or what—could have made it past the gate, but she did have the dream, her brother is missing, and the blood on the floor was real. Her legs begin to move more quickly.

She wonders briefly if she should have given Little One the other part of her new invention as soon as it was ready instead of waiting to surprise him. Perhaps that could have helped him with whatever happened last night. She thinks then of the other gift she has for him, the one she’s been carrying since leaving the Serpent God’s house. She regrets not having given it to him earlier.

There is so much she doesn’t know.

When she gets to the gate, her invention shows that nobody has crossed the threshold since she set it two days before. There are no impressions either, nor footprints when she checks.

By the time she returns to the living quarters, her siblings are coming back from their searches looking dejected or worried or both. Some are beginning to panic. Ginger can feel her own fear climbing from her belly into her chest and beginning to invade her lungs, making it hard to breathe. As her thoughts grow so rapid that they begin to interrupt one another, it occurs to her that fear is clouding her thinking. Recalling the Tree of Life, she makes space for the apprehension in her chest, gives it room to breathe, then takes a few deep breaths herself.

Just as the panic begins to subside and she feels her stomach settling back into place, she remembers a small, scratching noise from earlier and realizes with a start that she does, in fact, know where Little One is. And she knows why this happened today, of all days. She feels her lungs fill themselves full of air, then release it all at once, as if entirely of their own accord.

Ginger explains to her siblings that she knows where Little One is, that she’s sure he’s alright, but she won’t tell them where he is or how she knows. They want to go with her, but she tells them that it’s not a good idea. They trust her by now, so they stay in place while she heads down the corridor, though the disappointment is clear on their faces.

That’s okay, she thinks. Better that than the alternative.

She makes her way back down the hall towards Little One’s room. When she reaches the door, she knocks on it gingerly even though it’s already open.

“Little One?” she calls softly. There’s no answer. “Little One, I’m by myself. There’s nobody else here.” Silence. “Little One, I know you’re under there.”

Finally a cough comes from beneath the bed. Then the scratching noise again. Ginger stands in the doorway for a few more moments before realizing that he just moved over to make space for her.

She walks over to the bed, goes down on her hands and knees, then has to get even lower to wiggle her way under the bed next to her brother.

They lie there in silence for a moment, both of them on their bellies, looking into the shadows. Finally Ginger asks in a quiet voice: “Little One, what happened?”

His voice is equally soft when he answers. “I’m sorry, Ginger. I didn’t mean to worry you. Or the rest of them. It’s stupid, really.”

She shifts to take his hand in her own. “I’m sure it’s not stupid. What happened?”

“I had a dream. I was an eagle, flying high in the mountains.” Ginger’s skin prickles. “It was…incredible, really, but then suddenly I began to fall.” She feels his hand stiffen. “I woke up just before hitting a huge pine tree. I was already on the floor. I fell out of bed, Ginger. I literally fell on my face. Didn’t you see the blood? How much more obvious could it be?”

She frowns. “What do you mean?”

“The dream was a sign, a foretelling. Just when I think I’m doing great and nothing can go wrong, I’m going to fall. Failure is inevitable.”

“That’s ridiculous,” she says, giving his hand a squeeze.

“It’s not! I’m supposed to return to my family and village today, to complete my journey and help them remember who they really are. But I still don’t know how to do that. Even after all this time, I have no idea. I thought I could use your Lens of Truth, but then I lost it. Or got it destroyed. Now I have nothing, no plan, and no way to fulfill my purpose.”

Despite her best efforts to hide it, Ginger smiles. “Little One, you don’t need the Lens of Truth to help people discover their true selves.”

“No? How do I do it then?”

“How did you do it with the ogre or the Serpent God? How did you do it with me?”

“With you? What are you talking about?”

“I worked on the Lens of Truth for five years. It was the most complex invention I’ve ever created.” She sees his mouth open, can imagine the apology deep in his eyes. “No,” she continues before he can give it voice. “Please don’t apologize. Just listen. My effort to make the Lens of Truth was so all-consuming that I lost track of where it ended and where I began. I began to think that its success was inextricably tied to my own. That its worth was my own. When the Sorceress broke it, for a brief moment I felt like I had lost everything that mattered in life.”

She pauses, then chuckles. “But then I realized how foolish I was being. I’m an inventor, Little One. I’m bigger than any one of my inventions. Some will be great and some will be terrible, but it’s my ability to create new things, not the success of any one in particular, that makes me who I am.”

Her brother is quiet for a moment. She can feel his breath on her arm. “So what,” he finally whispers, “I’m supposed to go back to my village and break things so that people wake up to who they really are?”

This time she doesn’t try to hide her smile. “Maybe,” she laughs.

His eyebrows furrow. “Be serious,” he says. “I’ve learned so much about what I’m here to do, but I still have no idea how to actually do it.”

Words are important here, she knows, so she waits for them to form fully in her mind. “You can’t not do it,” she finally says slowly, then senses the presence of more. “How did you show the ogre who he was? Or our father?” She holds her breath.

“That’s the thing,” Little One answers. He sounds very much like a scared five-year-old. “I don’t know. I didn’t even try.”

She breathes a sigh of relief. The words were good ones after all. “Exactly,” she says. “You didn’t have to try because you do it so naturally. You can’t not do it, Little One. You’ll help people remember who they are no matter what you’re doing because it’s a part of who you are. Like water rolling down a mountain. It can take many paths, but it’s always going to end up in the sea.”

She can feel him breathe more deeply. Then he stops. “But what if I’m not good enough? What if I do it but I still fail?”

This time she doesn’t have to wait for the words; they are already there. “It has always been enough, brother. Look at the people you’ve already helped—the ogre, the Serpent God, the village, Abdul, the genie, me… You are the son of a god. You have a gift, as we all do. Do not ask how big it is. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you give it as freely as possible.”

Little One’s hand touches his broken nose and then the bottom of the bed above him. “I don’t feel like the son of a god right now.”

Ginger smiles, thinks she can feel him silently and perhaps reluctantly do the same. More words come to her. “To be human is to be like a stream, Little One. When you look at it, you see water, rocks, mud, old leaves, and clouds of dirt that get stirred up. We are all of that in our earthly forms. But look at a stream again and you can see the reflection of majestic trees, bright green leaves, and the infinite blue of the heavens. We are that as well. We have both sides, neither one of which can we deny.”

Her brother is quiet for a long time. Ginger stares at the shadows, feels the heat of his body beside her, and wonders where the words keep coming from.

Finally, in a small, very quiet voice, Little One asks, “What if they don’t welcome me back, Ginger? What if they don’t want what I have to offer?”

And so they’ve arrived at the heart of it, Ginger thinks. She’s somewhat surprised to find that she has words for this too. “When the sorceress said You can only be lost if you don’t know the way home, you said you understood. What exactly did you understand?”

Even in the relative darkness under the bed, she can see him blush. “It’s going to sound strange,” he says. “You’ll think I’m crazy.”

She doesn’t hesitate. “Try me.”

“Well, I realized that I’ve never felt more at home than when I’m feeling my own strength, the golden warmth of my gifts, and helping others to see theirs as well. I just feel so natural and relaxed, like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be when that happens. And I guess one thing I have learned on this journey is how to find that, no matter where I am. So I guess I do actually know the way home, if you look at it that way.”

“Exactly,” Ginger says, nodding with satisfaction as vigorously as she can in the small space beneath the bed.


“Yes, exactly. The people in your village may not welcome you back at first. They may not want what you have to offer. It takes time for people to learn, to wake up, to be able to see what they most need. But as long as you can go home—to the true home you just described—anytime, that won’t matter so much. You’ll be able to wait until the others are ready to hear what you have to say.”

“You think?” he asks, and the uncertainty in his voice makes her want to wrap him in her arms.

There is so much she doesn’t know, but this she does. “Absolutely, Little One. Of this I am certain.”

Silence sits alongside them for several long moments. Finally, in another soft voice, though this one more sure of itself, Little One speaks. “I really don’t want to leave you,” her brother says.

Warm energy rises within her as she remembers that she has something for this as well, though this time it isn’t words. She looks her brother in the eyes. “Me neither,” she says fervently. “Which is why I’ve been working on a new invention.”

His eyebrows go up. “The one that guards the gate and takes the impression of anyone who passes?”

“It started that way,” she says, hitting her head on the bottom of the bed in her excitement. “I realized that taking impressions could also be used for another purpose. So I made this.” She rolls onto her side so she can take the small, mechanical bird out of her pocket. “It records an impression of your voice, then flies to whatever destination you program into it. Then somebody else can replay the impression and, of course, record their own and send it back.”

His eyes are so wide they look like they might break. “So you can talk to me through this bird, and I can talk back?”

She smiles. “Yes, Little One. It’ll take an hour or two to fly from the City to your village, but we can talk to each other this way as often as we like.”

His smile is now bigger than hers. “That’s amazing, Ginger! I have no idea how you come up with these things.”

“I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for you.” Her smile fades as she remembers something. “Perhaps now is a good time to give you the other gift I have for you. Hold on.”

She wriggles out from under the bed, then jogs quickly to her own room and back. When she enters the room again, Little One is sitting on top of the bed waiting for her, running his fingers over his broken nose.

“It becomes you,” she says. “You look distinguished, sophisticated. Like you know something of the world.” Another smile. “Here,” she says, before he can respond. She hands him the folded pieces of paper wrapped together with string.

“Is this another invention?” he asks, thankfully running his fingers over the package now instead of his nose.

“No,” she answers. “It’s a gift. From our father, the Serpent God. I got back to his palace after you’d already left, and he sent this along with me to give to you.” She doesn’t say more, doesn’t know any more, but hopes it will be clear to him.

Little One unties the string and unfolds a piece of paper. Numbers and words cover the inside of it. As he’s reading, he shifts positions and a few small, brown balls slip out the side of another piece of paper in his lap.

When he finally looks up, she raises a questioning eyebrow. “It’s a recipe,” he says, his brows slightly furrowed. “For pancakes.” Suddenly a grin breaks out on his face. “The most delicious food I’ve ever had in my life.”

Ginger laughs. “And those things?” She indicates the small, brown balls.

“Seeds,” Little One answers happily. “For pea plants. Apparently you’re supposed to roast the peas and grind them up, which I’d never have thought in a million years. And the rest is made from the same wheat that we already grow in the village and a few other simple foods. It’s weird. I could’ve sworn they were made from special ingredients that only a god has access to.”

She smiles to herself. It’s a shared condition of all humans, she thinks, this not knowing. And as scary as it can sometimes be, it is also a gift.

She leans over and gives her brother a hug. He returns it, fiercely. They hold each other for a few moments, then finally let go.

“I love you, Ginger,” Little One says shyly.

“I love you too,” she says, emotion choking her words.

She helps her brother pack, then say goodbye to his siblings while avoiding their questions about what happened (she’ll tell them later, in a way they’ll understand). They line up at the gate to see their brother off, all waves and smiles and promises to visit, and she thinks how far they’ve come. All of them, in so many different ways.

The last she sees of Little One, he’s walking into the shadows of the woods, infinite possibilities almost visible as they spread out before him like a fertile field, a cloudless sky, an ocean inconceivably vast.

Photo credit: Randen Pederson // CC

A Simple, Easy Way to Clarify Your Purpose (Including How to Write a Personal Mission Statement)

personal mission statement and purpose hand water

Some people know their life’s purpose from an early age. I am not one of them.

For me, purpose was more like a spleen: I knew I had one, and I recognized that it was probably helpful, but I had no clear idea of what it was or how it worked. As a result, it seemed somewhat irrelevant to the larger decisions of my life.

It took me a long time to get clear on my purpose. It showed itself to me one small piece at a time, and only when I got serious about investigating its nature. I had to stay curious for years and gather clues one at a time until a bigger picture began to emerge.

The good thing about having to work so hard to uncover my purpose is that I now know how to do it.

Because purpose changes as we do. We don’t stay the same throughout our lives, and our circumstances certainly shift as well, so our purpose necessarily evolves with us. If you want to live a meaningful life true to what’s most important to you, you won’t define your purpose just once; you’ll do it over and over again.

Having spent significant time wrestling with my own purpose, and then helping others define theirs, I’ve found a few things you can do to make the process easier. The first is to recognize what’s getting in your way.

The debilitating myth that keeps your purpose hidden

Your purpose is a part of who you are, and you already have everything you need to recognize (or remember) it. The trouble is, we’re not taught anything in school about finding our purpose, and when we do finally decide to pay more attention to it, at best we don’t really know what to look for, and at worst we look for the wrong thing.

Movies, media, and popular culture have encouraged us to think that purpose is going to be like a lion or a hurricane. We expect that something as profound as purpose must be impressive, imposing, and intense. We think it has to operate on a grand scale and be big enough to inspire mass admiration from others.

In my experience, this expectation can lead you astray. From what I can tell, purpose in the real world is more often like an amoeba: richly layered, dynamic, adaptable, absolutely needed, and beautiful in its own way, but unassuming, without defined edges, and not usually grandiose.

Nobody wants to claim an amoeba as their heart and soul, so when it reveals a part of itself to us, we tend to scowl and turn our attention elsewhere, looking for something more extraordinary.

But if we can see those often underwhelming and perplexing clues for what they are and pay attention to them for long enough, a larger pattern begins to reveal itself.

How to read the signs

If purpose is like a wild beast that you’re stalking (or, to keep my metaphors consistent, perhaps a wild amoeba), then the good news is that you can find its tracks all over your daily life if you know where to look.

The key is to pay attention to your head, heart, and body. As you may have heard me mention before, we can get into trouble when we only listen to our thoughts and our rational minds. Our feelings and body sensations actually contain a lot of information and wisdom if we’re willing to tune into them.

Here’s a simple way you can do that:

For the next four weeks, pause 2-3 times a day (ideally once in the late morning, once in the late afternoon, and once in the evening) and take a few minutes to ask yourself the following questions. Take brief notes so you can begin to notice patterns:

  1. What sensations do I notice in my body when I feel a sense of meaning or fulfillment? When, in the time period since my last reflection, did I feel any of those sensations?
  2. In the same time period, when did something touch my heart? (In other words, when did I feel a sense of compassion, grief, outrage, etc.)?
  3. When was I moved to take action on behalf of someone or something other than myself?

Once a week, take some time to read through what you’ve recorded and ask yourself:

  • What do these things have in common?
  • What feels most important in what I’ve identified so far?
  • What am I learning about what’s meaningful to me?

Putting it all together in a Personal Mission Statement

Once you’ve uncovered enough clues, you can use them to guide you in lots of different ways. There’s really no wrong way to do this.

You may already have some clarity about what your purpose is or, if not, at least in what direction it lies. If you don’t, it might be helpful to break your purpose down into parts and use them to write your own Personal Mission Statement.

There are 4 main components to consider:

  1.Whom or what do you want to help?

For example: elderly women, young men, people struggling with depression, immigrants, lawyers, endangered turtles, homeless dogs, squirrels, cockroaches, old-growth trees, New Yorkers, etc. Whom or what are you concerned about and would like to benefit?

2.What do you want to help them accomplish or change?

This is your impact. What exactly do you want to be different for those you want to help?

3. How do you want to do this?

There are a few different ways of getting at this, for example:

  • Do you feel called to work with individuals; groups and organizations; or society, policy, and systems at large?
  • Do you enjoy working directly on causes (for example, going to disaster zones and offering direct aid) or indirectly (supporting those who do the on-the-ground work)?
  • What types of action are most natural, enjoyable, or easy for you? (For example, creating, researching, teaching, counseling, planning, organizing, healing, inspiring, listening, designing, entertaining, etc.)

4. For what reason or larger goal?

This is the purpose behind your purpose. We almost always have underlying values or visions that inform our goals, and bringing them to the surface can be very helpful. Why do you want to make these contributions or create these benefits? What about them is important to you? (Keep in mind you might have more than one answer.)

When you have some clarity about each of these components, you can put them together in a Personal Mission Statement. Here’s the structure:

I help ____(1)____ to ____(2)____ by ____(3)____ so that ____(4)____.

One last (very important) thing

Now that you have your Personal Mission Statement, please don’t make the mistake of holding on to it too tightly.

I say this because your Personal Mission Statement is like Bruce Lee’s famous hand pointing towards the moon. It’s useful in showing the way, but concentrate too much on the hand and you’ll miss all that heavenly glory.

To use one final metaphor (the last one, I promise), purpose is like water. It’s dynamic and free-flowing. The more you try to hold onto it, the more it slips through your fingers.

Purpose is bigger than us. We do not create or control it. I don’t believe we can even fully understand it. All we can do is recognize it when it makes itself known, follow its flow, and create a container for it to run through our lives.

It turns out that this is enough. You don’t have to define your purpose to fulfill it. All you have to do is be curious, listen for your own truth, and take action on what you discover again and again.

7 Ways to Find More Purpose In Your Work Without Changing Jobs


Want to know something about me that most people don’t?

I’ve been to jail…3 times in all. Spending a total of 4 nights and 5 days behind bars.

That makes it sound kind of like a luxury vacation which, I can assure you, it most certainly was not. In fact, I think everyone should go to jail at some point to learn what it’s like and why it’s highly likely that if people weren’t criminals before they went in, they probably will be before they get out.

But that’s a topic for another day.

Right now my point is that I was arrested multiple times for a purpose: once for lying down on campus in the middle of the night to protect the Ethnic Studies program at my university; once for “maliciously blocking a public walkway” to get the attention of Neiman Marcus and persuade them to stop selling fur; and once for sitting down on the sidewalk in front of the White House to stop a pipeline from being built that would make it lucrative to extract oil from the tarsands in Canada.

I protested, I volunteered, and I worked for a variety of nonprofits and social enterprises during my first 12 years of employment because I thought you fulfilled your purpose by solving some major problem in the world. And yet after years of doing so much towards that end, I still felt totally unfulfilled and frustrated by how little impact my efforts were having.

In retrospect, my ego was probably more than a little involved in my desire to fix things. My heart was in the right place, but what I eventually learned through a full-on spiritual breakdown and subsequent years of introspection, study, and experimentation, is that purpose isn’t really about saving the world.

Purpose is certainly related to making positive changes in the world. But it’s also about contributing our talents in unique ways that only we can. And perhaps most surprisingly to me, it’s also about finding our joy, taking care of ourselves, and having fun.

The good news is, for the same reason that purpose can be hard to define, there are infinite ways to fulfill it. Which means you don’t have to find a new job or work for the Mother Teresa Foundation to start feeling a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Here are a few ideas for how to bring more purpose into your work without changing jobs:

1. Start to see the impact you’re already having.

Most people have a far greater impact than they realize. We rarely get feedback about the results of all our actions, so we never know that the kind word we said to somebody turned their day around or the seemingly meaningless data we programmed led to the successful launch of a new venture.

To be able to see the contributions you’re already making more clearly, you need to become a detective. Look for clues—did someone smile when talking to you today, did their mood shift during your conversation, did they thank you for something? Imagine what might have resulted from your actions—did something you worked on go on to create more clarity on an issue, improve a customer’s life, or make someone else’s job easier?

You can also ask questions of folks around you to find out how your work is impacting them and how it fits into the larger picture of the organization you work for. Your efforts may seem minor to you, but they probably have a bigger impact than you realize. Being aware of that impact can be key to feeling a greater sense of purpose.

2. Prioritize what matters.

Often we lack a sense of purpose in our work because we’re always focusing on what’s urgent while neglecting what’s important. If you take the time to get clear on what really matters most (to you, and to the impact you want to have through your work), you can prioritize that. You can give yourself permission to do less of what isn’t important and perhaps even do it less than perfectly.

When you prioritize what matters, you’re more effective in serving your purpose and get more done that feels meaningful and fulfilling

3. Share what you know.

We’ve all gained knowledge and expertise in certain areas just by living our lives, and whether it’s related to your current field or not, it’s useful. Offer to share what you know freely with others. Teach a class, mentor someone, or offer to let someone pick your brain over lunch. Recognizing that your wisdom if valuable and sharing it for the benefit of somebody else is a great (and easy) way to find more purpose.

4. Pay attention to what the people around you need.

Sometimes we get so busy trying to get $#!& done that we forget why we’re doing it in the first place. If part of the reason you work is to make a positive contribution to the world, you might do better to put aside your To Do list for a moment and take a look at the people around you. What do they long for? What do they need? What would help them with whatever is currently causing them pain?

I had a client who found a much greater sense of purpose in her work simply by bringing more empathy into her daily interactions. By paying attention to what would help those around her, she found easy ways to contribute—with a smile, a word of encouragement, a favor, or simply an open ear. Purpose doesn’t have to be grandiose, and the smallest actions can have big consequences when we’re present and attuned to what’s happening around us.

5. Ask for assignments and initiate projects.

When you know what impact you want to have, you can get creative and find ways to bring that into your current work environment. Maybe you could request to join a department or team that’s already working on that issue. Or perhaps you could initiate a project in that area. Do you want to start a recycling program at your office? What about spearheading a volunteer day, or working on the diversity task force?

I had a client who found a lot more satisfaction in her job by (1) initiating an important departmental change and managing its implementation and (2) spearheading a fundraiser for a coworker who was undergoing treatment for cancer. Both required an investment of time and effort, but because they were so meaningful to her, they gave her far more energy than they took.

6. Share more of your gifts in any way you can.

What are you good at? No, I’m not interested in what skills you put on your resume. I mean, what are you really good at, naturally? What do you do without even trying? What gifts do you give just by being who you are, and approaching the world in the way that you do?

Once you have a sense of what these are, find more ways to give them in any way you can. Not only will you increase your impact, but you’ll feel more satisfied too.

7. Pay attention to what you love.

This was the missing piece for me for a long time. I was doing operations and management work that I was good at but didn’t particularly enjoy. Once I started paying attention to my gifts and, in particular, my joy, I realized that my purpose wasn’t dependent on solving some major world problem.

Though I still think addressing those problems is absolutely worthwhile, I learned how to find my purpose more effectively in daily actions based on writing, creating, exploring, being outdoors, spending time with the people I love (and lots of animals too), helping others realize that they already have everything they need within them, and otherwise having fun.

I’ve felt much more fulfilled and purposeful ever since.

If you’re not sure what your purpose is, you’re not alone.

Most of us don’t know what we’re meant to do in the world, and we’re not taught anything about it in school. That’s why I’m so excited to be offering Clarify Your Calling and Find Meaningful Work You Love: a FREE master class webinar to infuse your life with more power, passion, and purpose. I’ll be walking you through some great ways to identify your purpose as well as your core strengths on the call.

>>Click here to find out more or to save your spot.<<

The 10 Biggest Myths About Finding Your Calling


Being married to a Brazilian man, I have a lot of opportunities to see just how differently two people can understand the same word.

One time, for example, the term “boob job” came up. My husband gave me a confused look and asked, “Is that when a woman works giving her milk to orphans?” Bless his literal heart, that’s the first thing he thought of when trying to figure out how a woman could make money using her breasts.

Somewhat similarly, I’ve come to realize that people often misconstrue what it means to find your calling. While I don’t claim to have a perfect or uniquely true understanding of the concept (and I have to admit that I prefer my husband’s definition of “boob job” to my own), I do find that some of the more common misconceptions about discovering what you’re meant to do in the world get in the way of successfully doing it.

So here are the 10 biggest myths about finding your calling:

  1. You only have one.

When we imagine that there’s only one thing out there that we’re born to do, the process of finding it becomes like searching for a needle in a haystack. In my experience, we all have multiple callings, and countless ways we can fulfill them. Nobody is good at only one thing, and almost everyone has multiple interests. We can use all of these in our calling, either in combination or sequentially. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge this abundance and stop trying to find the one, right answer. Instead, listen in to which of the many valid expressions of your calling feels most energizing and needed at this point in your life.

  1. Your calling never changes.

Would that we could stop looking once we find work we love. Fortunately and unfortunately, our calling changes as we do—what satisfied us once won’t do so forever. This can be frustrating to the part of us that hates change and wants to rest effortlessly on our laurels. On the other hand, it’s an incredible opportunity to continue to grow more powerful, learn, deepen, and create new contributions that are freshly responsive to our dynamic desires and the world’s changing needs. So don’t pressure yourself to find something you’ll be happy with the rest of your life; instead, embrace the fact that it’s going to change and find something that feels right for you right now.

  1. Finding your calling solves all your problems.

Before, I thought that like a knight in shining armor, a career I loved would slay all my dragons with one swipe of its sword: I’d be happy all the time. I’d have no more doubts and worries. My life would be filled with birdsong, sunshine, beaches, and sunsets.

Yea, not so much. Don’t get me wrong—I love what I do, it’s fulfilling and energizing, and I feel like I’m working on something that truly matters. That makes a big difference in my life. But I still have worries and fears, I still get frustrated by things taking longer than I’d like, and according to my husband, I still snore at night. Our challenges are here to help us grow and expand, to relax into what is, and to embrace life. They don’t disappear because there’s always more worth learning and welcoming. I recommend making peace with your problems as best you can and recognizing the fantasy of the knight in shining armor for what it is—popular fiction.

  1. It has to be big.

A lot of my clients struggle to define their calling because what feels meaningful to them seems too small. I had one client, for example, who found great satisfaction in making people laugh, but he didn’t think it was grand or beneficial enough to truly be called a purpose. After doing some research, however, he discovered that laughter improves moods, decreases stress, boosts our immune systems, strengthens social connections, enhances learning, and has many other benefits for body, mind, and spirit. It turns out laughter is quite powerful medicine.

The world has many needs—how are we to judge with our limited perspectives which are more important or valuable than others? Acknowledging the impact you want to have, not just the one you think you should, is a great way to get started defining your purpose.

  1. You have to make money doing it.

While many people do make money from their passion, and it’s often more possible than you think, you get to choose whether you want to or not. Making money is a means to an end, not a worthwhile goal in itself. If you’re giving life to the things you feel called to create, you’ll feel equally satisfied whether you’re paid for them or not. Many people find great contentment creating and contributing their unique vision to the world without getting paid a dime. How you want to live your passion—not just how you want to live off of it—is one of the most powerful questions you can ask.

  1. You can’t make money doing it.

Here’s the clever reasoning so many of us use not to pursue our calling: “I have to make money doing what I love, but I won’t be able to, so why bother?” This belief is usually the work of our fear, which makes up stories to keep us from taking risks. “Nope, don’t bother making that leap, Chief,” it yells into its bullhorn. “You won’t be able to make a good living from it. Better to stick with what we’re doing now—at least we know it’ll pay the bills.” But unless you’ve actually tried and given it everything you’ve got, you can’t know for sure that you won’t be able to make enough money. And one thing I invariably find with myself and my clients is that there are far more possibilities in the world than we think there are when we’re sitting alone with our fear. So stop telling yourself this story; it just isn’t true. Instead, look for ways to find out for yourself what’s actually possible for you.

  1. You have to find a new job to do it.

Sometimes following your calling will take you into a bold new adventure. But other times it’ll point out ways that you can tweak your current circumstances to allow you to fulfill your purpose. I had a client who was desperately unhappy in her current job. As she got clearer about what she wanted, she realized that by speaking up more with her boss, finding ways to work on certain types of projects, and focusing more on the contributions she was making to her coworkers that went beyond her official job description, she could fulfill her calling without changing positions, at least for the time being. Don’t assume you can’t fulfill your calling until you find a new job; instead, start asking how you can bring more passion and purpose into your life as it is right now.

  1. You have to sacrifice yourself in order to do it right.

I knew someone who was scared to ask the question of what he really felt called to do because he was worried he would find that he needed to sell all his belongings, move halfway across the world, and live in dire poverty helping the poorest of the poor. When he actually did investigate his purpose, however, he found that he could do what was truly important to him while still living a comfortable life close to the people he loved.

You can answer your calling in a way that doesn’t require you to give up what you hold most dear. And if you are asked to give up some things along the way, it can be only what feels right to you, once you’re ready, and in a way that feels like freedom, not sacrifice. The key thing to remember is that answering your calling is about lovingly taking care of what’s most important to you, not sacrificing it on the altar of grand gestures that aren’t authentic to you.

  1. It’s all about what you do, not how you do it.

You could be doing wonderful work in the world, but if you’re killing yourself doing it or compromising your ethics in the process, it isn’t truly your calling. What you do is important, but so is how you do it. That means being able to work with ease, go at your own pace, and act in integrity with your values. So as you continue to move closer to your calling, pay as much attention to how you’re working as what you’re doing.

  1. You’re not already doing it.

Chances are that no matter what you do for work, you’re already fulfilling your calling in some way, shape, or form. The greatest gifts you have to offer come naturally to you and are inherent in how you approach the world, so you’re going to express them whether you intend to or not. I was listening deeply to and supporting others long before I officially became a coach, and I’ve enjoyed putting complex ideas into words and images in various ways my whole life. It’s absolutely a worthwhile endeavor to find ways to express your calling more powerfully, but it’s also great to realize that you don’t have to do anything differently to share your gifts with the world.

Big News Coming Soon

If you could use some help to find your calling (and let’s be honest here, who couldn’t?), then I’ve got good news. I have some exciting offerings in the works and will be making announcements about them soon. If you want to be sure you hear them, then sign up to receive updates in the box below.

Photo credit: Anton Whoa // CC


How to Live Your Purpose Even If You Have No Idea What It Is


If you’ve had a hard time figuring out what your purpose in life is, don’t worry. You’re not alone. And what’s more, you don’t really need to figure it out to find what you’re looking for.

When we talk about finding our life purpose, we’re usually looking for an organizing principle to give direction and meaning to all the chaos. We want to find a noble aspiration to dedicate ourselves to, something that will tell us who we are and what we were born to do. We’re searching for something that can make us feel we belong on this planet and that our lives are complete.

Finding your purpose can’t do this for you. Living your purpose can.

Where fulfillment comes from

When I was in my early twenties, I worked for a series of nonprofits that were doing work I truly believed in. I dedicated myself to furthering important missions like ending homelessness or empowering Mexican factory workers or creating a more just and humane economy.

I loved working on causes I believed in, but I still didn’t feel fulfilled. I didn’t feel my life was complete, and what I did at work gave me no sense of meaning or purpose in any other area of my life.

What I’ve found is key to fulfillment and meaning is making choices that align with what’s most important to me. Purpose hasn’t turned out to be some external goal or aspiration. Rather, it’s a living breathing part of who I am that can be expressed in any moment. It’s less grandiose, quieter, and harder to pin down than I used to imagine, but if I listen to it, it leads to far more joy and satisfaction.

The secret to finding your purpose

The wonderful thing about purpose is that the process for finding it is the same as for living it, and you don’t have to know what it is to get started.

You live your purpose by expressing who you already are in each action and in each moment. To do this, first listen to what your inner guidance is telling you do to. What action feels right when you’re connected to your wisest self and your innate goodness? What do you feel pulled towards? What fills you up? What brings you joy? What makes you come alive?

How can you nurture what you care about deeply?

After you listen, you do. You act on the guidance you’re getting, or find ways to do more of what makes you feel your best in each decision and in each moment. It doesn’t matter if you see a pattern, can name what you’re doing, or know what’s next. What matters is that each action resonates with you on a deep level and expresses who you really are.

The Listen-Do process works on a day-to-day level as well as on a larger “life” level. You can use the questions to determine what to eat for lunch or you can use them to see which activities, commitments, ideas, professions, organizations, job opportunities, or career paths you feel called to pursue.

No matter what you decide or where you end up, if you follow this process over and over again, you’ll be living your purpose. And you don’t have to do it perfectly (I know I certainly don’t). In my experience, just making a sincere effort leads to loads of joy, meaning, fulfillment, and a sense of doing what you’re meant to even if you have no idea what that actually is.

And if you still really want to know what your purpose is…

I can’t blame you. Sometimes you need to communicate it to others. Sometimes you just really want to know. Here are three things you can try:

  1. Go to and take their Work Personality Quiz to get an outside take on what your purpose is.
  2. Write the eulogy you’d like to receive after you die (after a good, long life), keeping in mind that the word comes from the Greek word for praise. How did you impact the people around you? What contributions did you make? How was the world different as a result of you having been in it?
  3. Keep a daily journal listing the things you did that you feel good about or that benefited others in any way, no matter how small. Which were most fulfilling? Which brought you the most joy? Which had the biggest impact? What do these contributions have in common?

Live Your Purpose

If you’re still not sure what your purpose is, more help is available.

I offer individual and group coaching programs at various levels of investment designed to help you identify your purpose, discover what you’re meant to do in the world, and get started actually doing it.

To find out more, schedule a free 1:1 call with me. We’ll illuminate your goals, clarify your challenges, and discuss what each program involves and how it can help. There’s no cost for the call and no obligation to buy anything. Click here to apply for your free call today.

Photo credit: Cheryl Brind // CC


4 Ways to Create a Work Life You Love


In my last post, I talked about why it’s not so useful to ask the question, “How do I turn my passion into profit?”

I offered another question instead to help you get better answers, answers that can open up new options for you.

This week I want to give you some ideas to help expand your options.

When considering changes to your work life, there are four main categories to consider.  I’ll elaborate a bit about each of them to help you get started.

1.  Get more of what you want in your current job.

What would allow you to enjoy your current job more? How could you bring more of what you love into what you already do?

Maybe you could identify projects you would enjoy working on and find ways to incorporate them into your work. For example, I had a friend who was a researcher at a university who got permission to teach a class on a subject she was passionate about. Naturally creative, she also incorporated poetry into her conference presentations (and believe it or not, this was a big hit).

Sometimes clients find that having direct conversations with their bosses and making requests regarding their needs is all they really need to feel satisfied. Sometimes all they needed to do was ask for more feedback, less interference, more flexibility, more training, the ability to work from home, etc.

For some, resolving conflict with coworkers and supervisors is key to making their job enjoyable again. For others, it might be finding ways to take breaks, focus on one thing at a time more, or stop striving for perfection.

If someone wants a greater sense of purpose in their work, they might find ways to connect with the impact of their work. I had a client who was managing a legal staff at a financial firm who brought lots more meaning to his work simply by taking his employees out to lunch regularly and getting to know them more deeply.

Some people can find meaning in their work simply by finding ways to delight others. Not sure what I mean? Meet the banana man.

If you find that you want something more than greater enjoyment of your current job, then you could…

2.  Get more of what you want outside of your current job.

To do more of what you love, you could cut back on your hours at work and get more involved in your passions outside of work. If you want to do this, it can help to develop your skills around dealing with requests and setting boundaries.

I had a client who discovered she was passionate about gardening and sharing this passion with her community. She considered various ways of making money from gardening and decided that none of them would give her the lifestyle she wanted. So she found a job she liked that gave her the time and resources to start a community garden outside of work. And that turned out to be great for her.

You could also work for a couple of years, save up money, and then take time off to pursue your passions.

 If you just can’t find ways to save or can’t find the time or energy to do what you want while working in your current job, then move on to item #3.

3. Find a new job.

This is a pretty obvious option, and one most people have considered, if not spent numerous hours daydreaming about. I don’t have much to add here, except to say how vitally important it is that you know what you want (what you really, really want) if you do make a change.

If you haven’t taken the time to get clear about what this is, then I highly recommend doing so before you find something new. Because (1) you may discover that you can find what you want in your current setup, and (2) if you don’t, you’re likely to find yourself in the same situation again in the not-too-distant future. Groundhog Day, here we come.

And if none of these strategies feels like it can give you what you want, then you always have the option to…

4. Start something yourself.

This is a great option, especially if a structure for what you want to offer the world isn’t already out there.

Again, your particular desires, needs, and intentions will inform whether you can be perfectly happy doing this part-time after a day job or whether you want to go all in and do it full-time.

If you decide that this is the way you want to go, and you decide you want to earn money doing it, then you need to consider not only what you want to do, but also what pain you can help solve.

Frederick Buechner defines vocation as “the place where your deep gladness meets the world’s deep need.”

Ultimately, our calling is about how we can be of service in the world. That’s really what’s most important when you get down to it, mostly because that’s what gives meaning to what we do. But it also gives us a sense of purpose and fulfillment, and it’s also key to making money, incidentally. Funny how that works out.

So ask yourself: What problem are you uniquely positioned to help people solve? How can you make others’ lives better? What do you have that other people need?

What you give to the world is what matters. Whether you make money off of it is just a matter of preference.


***Photo credit: abhi

The 5 Keys to Finding Your Calling (Even If You Have No Idea What It Might Be)


It is possible to find work you love, no matter how uncertain, stuck, or unhappy you currently feel, and no matter how long you’ve felt that way.

We all have unique passions, intentions, and abilities that allow us to impact the world in a way that nobody else can.  If we find the sweet spot where all these come together, work becomes joyful, we experience greater ease, and we get to revel in the satisfaction that comes from knowing we’re having the impact we want to have in the world.

Following are the key principles for uncovering your sweet spot that I’ve discovered through finding my calling and helping dozens of clients do the same:

Get out of your head


We tend to try to solve all our problems in our heads, through reason and analysis and lists of pros and cons.  The problem is, our minds can’t tell us everything we know about what we’re called to do.

Leading neuroscientist Antonio Demasio describes a famous case in which a man can no longer make decisions because a brain injury has rendered him unable to feel his emotions.  Like those of us who try to figure everything out in our heads, after his injury he ping-ponged back and forth between possibilities, rationalizing first one option and then the next.

To get clear about what we really want, we need to start receiving the wisdom offered by our hearts and bodies.  Our feelings and our guts have a lot to tell us about what we want, what is meaningful, and what will make us happy.  (It’s not for nothing that we have neural net processors similar to those in our brains around our hearts and intestines as well.)  Most of us don’t know how to decode this information, but we can learn.

Pull, don’t push

brucelee_quoteFrequently we’re taught to reach our goals by making a plan and then pushing ourselves hard to follow it.  When faced with a desire for more meaningful work, however, this approach is like trying to repair a broken plate with a giant hammer.  Forcing yourself to do what you think you should rather than what you feel you want is what likely got you into an unfulfilling line of work in the first place.

To find more energy, joy, and fulfillment in your work, you need to stop forcing effort and start letting yourself be pulled towards what calls you.  You need to listen to what you want and need, give yourself permission to follow what feels good, and let yourself do more of what you love.  You need to explore what energizes you, investigate what brings you joy, and experiment to find fulfillment.  And as in any experiment, you need to risk being wrong and learn through trial and error.

If you can do this, your path suddenly becomes filled with energy, joy, and satisfaction.  Even before you land your next gig.

 Turn Fear From Enemy to Ally


Fear is nothing more than a sign that you’re bumping up against the edges of your comfort zone—a good sign, if you think about it, because it means you’re doing things differently, which is what’s required if you’re going to get different results.  So instead of avoiding fear, you can learn to move towards it and investigate it, letting it show you what’s important to you and what you need to pay attention to.  Then you can conduct mini-experiments to see how accurate its predictions are, and how you can move forward while taking care of what you care about.

 Embrace Your PSP


Yea, I’m not referring to your ability to sense the paranormal, or your portable Playstation device.  It’s your Passion, Strengths, and Purpose.  Your calling is the center of a venn diagram of the things you love to do, the things you’re naturally good at, and the impact you want to have on the world.  Getting clear on each of those, and embracing them, helps your calling crystallize.

Enjoy Support 


We have this myth in our culture that we should do everything ourselves—as if that were even possible.  The truth is, we all need support in lots of different ways, whether it’s the farmers who grow our food, the teachers who invest in our education, or the people who love us who give us energy and inspiration.  I can’t think of one significant human accomplishment that occurred without the help of a motley crew.

When we’re having trouble reaching our goals, instead of getting mad at ourselves or lamenting our results, it’s more productive (not to mention kind) to ask what kind of support will help us get to where we’re wanting to go.  Support can turn the overwhelming into the doable, the paralyzing into the invigorating, and the confusing into the clear.  We all have weaknesses, and it can be quite liberating to embrace this fact and call in for reinforcements.

These principles are simple, but they’re by no means easy.

They require us to see into our blind spots, move out of our comfort zone, and adopt a new approach.  They ask us to develop new habits and new skills.  In short, they depend upon a new way of being.

I became a coach because it’s the best vehicle I’ve found for helping people develop new ways of being.  I’ve seen dozens of people do things they never thought possible when they tap into the support, structure, accountability, and new awareness that coaching offers.

If you’d like to find out more about how coaching could help you overcome the challenges standing in your way, check out the 1:1 Coaching page  or sign up for a free, exploratory session by clicking the button that says “free 60 minute session” at the top of this page.

Photo credit: Mike Nielsen//CC