I’ve always found decisions stressful, probably because I’m usually trying to find the right answer. That’s how I know that having options can feel just as stressful as not having any if none of them feel right.
I meet people all the time who are incredibly discouraged because they feel stuck—they desperately want to find a new job but none of the alternatives they come up with feel good enough to pursue. It’s easy to become frustrated, self-critical, or even hopeless and depressed.
Is it the options, or is it you?
It may be that you haven’t yet found the right idea. But it’s equally possible, if not more likely, that something is blocking your ability to recognize what feels really right.
Even if you have a block, you’re perfectly capable of finding your path (and keep in mind that there’s probably more than one that lead to what you’re wanting). Following are 7 things you can do to find your way when none of your career options feel right:
1. Get more information.
Lots of times nothing feels right because we don’t know enough about what it would look, sound, taste, or feel like. It’s like we’re trying to make a decision about which house to buy when all we know about it is the color and number of rooms.
Take time to do research. Read. Talk to people. Go and visit. Sometimes we resist doing this because we’re afraid we’ll be disappointed and stranded without options if we don’t like what we find. But disappointment is inevitable if you’re truly living your life, and you’ll never be without options. At worst, what you find will prompt you to generate better ones.
2. Try it out.
This is really an extension of the last idea. Sometimes you can’t know until you try. If I asked you if you like walking on the moon, you’d probably have a hard time answering without trying it. Fortunately, trying jobs out is often easier than space travel. Shadow someone for a day. Get an assignment in a different department. Volunteer. Do a freelancing project on the side. Make something. Sell something. See what it feels like.
3. Get clear about what you want most.
Often we want multiple things, and each option offers part but not all of what we want. If this is the case, try to prioritize your desires. What’s a must-have and what’s a nice-to-have? What’s most important to you? What’s been key to your sense of well-being or fulfillment in the past?
4. Look for the should.
Nothing can scramble your internal GPS more than the belief that you ought to be doing something. When you feel you should be doing something—say, making more money, doing the “practical” thing, or pursuing what others think you should—you tend to become deaf to your actual desires. Hence, nothing feels right.
Make a list of all the things you think you should do. (Think: “Fathers should…” “Mothers should…” “Responsible people should…”) Now ask yourself: where might you be shoulding on yourself when considering your career options?
5. Distinguish between what feels scary and what feels wrong.
Sometimes we get a negative response from our bodies because an option is clearly wrong for us. Other times we get a negative response simply because we’re scared. The anxiety of a wrong choice feels different in the body than the fear of doing something desirable but outside of our comfort zone. For most of us, distinguishing between the two sensations is a subtle discernment we have to learn how to make over time, but it’s a worthwhile effort nonetheless.
6. Brainstorm more options.
It is possible you haven’t yet found the right idea for you. Once you’re clear on what you really want, take time to brainstorm possibilities. Allow yourself time to generate wild and improbable ideas without judgment (you’ll have time to get practical later). Ask others to help you. And play around with tweaking your existing options. How might you combine them? Could you do them sequentially? What would you need to add to or take away from each one to make it feel right?
7. Wait.
If all else fails, wait. It might just be that the timing isn’t yet right. I had a client who felt stuck in a corporate job because none of her ideas for leaving felt justifiable. She was unduly hard on herself for not taking the leap. Then, after having some time to get her ducks in a row, someone offered her a job to work on an upcoming political campaign. Suddenly, what before felt wrong now felt right. She jumped at the chance and never regretted it. Timing really can be everything.
Over to You
What’s helped you move forward when none of your options felt right? Please share in the comments below so we can learn from your experience and/or insight.
Find the Right Path for You
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